Learning how to use compassion to quiet our inner critic is one of the core tasks in childhood trauma therapy for Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). At Corinne Blackmon Therapy, LLC (that’s me!), we use parts work to help adult survivors of childhood trauma across North Carolina and South Carolina learn to approach their harsh inner critic with kindness and curiosity instead of anger.
REMINDER: Reading this blog is NOT therapy and does not create a client-therapist relationship between us. Information contained within this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute individualized advice.
Do you have an inner critic that keeps you up at night?
If you do, you’ve probably tried everything to quiet it before - ignoring it, avoiding it, doing what it says, being mean back to it - but what you might not have tried?
Being kind to the inner critic.
I like to think of compassion as an antidote to trauma. Oftentimes, when trauma occurs, there is a lack of compassion. If it was childhood trauma, maybe your parents blamed you, shamed you, harmed you, and throughout it all, weren’t able to have compassion for you as the small, developing child who was still learning how to be a person in the world. If there wasn’t much compassion from the adults who were caring for us growing up, we’re going to have a hard time having compassion for ourselves now.
If we view the inner critic from a parts work lens (pick your parts work POV: inner child work or Internal Family Systems, both work just fine here), we can recognize that this part is just one who is trying to keep us safe. If we work from an Internal Family Systems point of view, perhaps it’s a manager who is just trying to make sure we don’t get too close the exile (the pain we experienced in childhood). If we work from an inner child work lens, perhaps it’s an older (maybe elementary school aged?) inner child who has learned how to not get in trouble. Either way, this part is actually brilliant - it was a way we learned to keep ourselves safe when we were kids. Chances are, everything that the inner critic part is yelling at us or criticizing us about right now is either something we heard from parents or caregivers or something we learned would get us in trouble (or hit/shamed/blamed/yelled at/etc.).
Knowing that, do you think it’s possible to have a little compassion (and maybe even appreciation) for this part of you that helped you survive as a kid?
If you’re still shaking your head no right now, that’s okay - this is exactly what I help my clients with in my work as a therapist. After all, if it really were as easy as reading this blog post, wouldn’t you be healed already?
Learning How to Have Compassion For Ourselves
In childhood trauma therapy, learning to have compassion for ourselves (and our parts) is a major goal. Of course we’re probably not going to be able to have compassion for ourselves right away, especially if we didn’t get that from the adults around us growing up. I like to think about developing compassion for ourselves in this way: if we imagine there’s a little control room in our brain, what does the inside of the room in your brain look like right now? If you have a harsh inner critic, it’s probably (metaphorically) filled with a lot of sharp objects and pointy things - no safe place for your parts (or inner child) to sit down. As we begin to develop compassion for ourselves, we start to replace each sharp object in that room with a soft pillow, or blanket. Bit by bit, our brain (and consequently our body) becomes a safer place to inhabit. We already lived through the trauma once - and instead of repeating the pain of it over, and over, and over again with the inner critic, we can start to become a safer place for ourselves to land. I like to call this cultivating an internal sense of safety - just like what we might have had embedded in us to begin with if we had safe enough, good enough caregivers.
What are some ways we can use compassion to quiet our inner critic?
Noticing when it comes up and thanking it for keeping us safe
Giving the inner critic credit for how they kept us safe as kids (for example, did they keep us 3 steps ahead of our parents or caregivers so that we didn’t do the thing that would get us in trouble?)
If it feels supportive, imagining our inner critic as a young child themselves, and giving them a hug (or giving ourselves a hug)
Validating how hard it must have been for our inner critic part to survive those experiences in our childhood
If this sounds like a lot, I get it - it can be hard to heal from childhood trauma, but that’s where getting the right support can make all the difference.
Virtual Trauma Therapy Across the Carolinas
Hi, I’m Corinne Blackmon, LCMHC, LPC of Corinne Blackmon Therapy, LLC - and I offer virtual childhood trauma therapy to clients with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) in North Carolina & South Carolina (and now Vermont and Florida too!). Healing from childhood trauma requires specialized support from someone who gets it - and as a fellow trauma survivor myself, I combine my professional training and lived experience to support my clients in their healing.
Corinne Blackmon Therapy, LLC (that’s me!) provides virtual trauma therapy completely online - and from the comfort of your own home!
North Carolina Telehealth: Virtual Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) therapy for residents in Charlotte, Raleigh, Durham, Greensboro, Asheville, and beyond!
South Carolina Telehealth: Online trauma therapy for Complex PTSD ( C-PTSD) for residents in Greenville, Spartanburg, Charleston, Bluffton, Columbia, Rock Hill, and beyond.
Also offering virtual trauma therapy for clients in Florida and Vermont.
Healing from childhood trauma takes time, but you don’t have to go it alone - learn more about how I can help support you in your healing journey and help you quiet (and maybe even appreciate!) your inner critic.