REMINDER: Reading this blog is NOT therapy and does not create a client-therapist relationship between us. Information contained within this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute individualized advice.
Today I’m talking all about career choices and trauma responses - both from my own personal experience as a two-time career changer, and also as a licensed therapist who helps trauma survivors heal and reclaim the lives they were meant to live. If you’re here, it might be because you’re contemplating a career change - maybe you already know what you want to do, or maybe you just know what you’re doing right now isn’t working for you. Regardless of where you are in your career changing process, I think it’s a good idea to explore why we chose the field (or fields) that we did; we can mine our past decisions for insights and awareness to help us avoid the same pitfalls in the future. Pull out your notebook and pencil - this blog is going to include some questions for self reflection!
Let’s start by taking it all the way back to the beginning - what led to the initial decisions (or lack of decisions) that got you to where you are today? Did you always know what you wanted to do? Did you fall into your career by chance? Did someone else pressure or guide you into the choice? Did you struggle to make a decision and just end up going where the current took you until you got where you are now?
In the work I do with trauma survivors, I see some common scenarios tend to play out when it comes to career choices being influenced by trauma responses:
You’ve known what you wanted to do (or not do) since you were a child because you wanted to create or avoid an outcome. For example: “I wanted to become a lawyer so that I knew I would never struggle with money the way my parents did.”
You didn’t fully know what you wanted to do and never really got a chance to explore, but when it came time to decide, you decided on the “safe” option. For example: “I decided to become a doctor because I knew it was a career I wouldn’t have a hard time getting a job in.”
You knew what was expected of you from others (family, parents, teachers), so you chose that. For example: “I became a doctor because I was smart enough to do it, and that’s what my family wanted for me.”
You knew what you were good at naturally and chose that, even if it was stressful for you or you didn’t like it. For example: “I became a therapist because everyone always told me I was a good listener, and I was always my mother’s little therapist growing up.”
You took jobs out of survival or scarcity fears. For example: “I just knew I needed to make money, and I didn’t believe I could get a better job, so I took this one.”
Do you see yourself in any of those scenarios? If not, that’s okay - this isn’t an exhaustive list of ways our trauma can show up in our job or career choices. Either way, it’s good to spend some time reflecting on what might have influenced your career decisions over your life, and if those decisions were really coming from an authentic, grounded place of knowing who you are and what you want.
In my own career choices, I made many decisions out of my trauma. In college, I felt a lot of pressure from people around me (family, professors, etc.) to push myself into the “best” field and “best” job I was capable of obtaining, regardless of whether that’s what I actually wanted or not. That’s how I found myself with a degree in accounting and a big city job lined up at one of the Big Four accounting firms. Did I want to work there? Did I even enjoy that work? It didn’t matter to me at the time - I was too starstruck by the big name and what it would supposedly do for my resume. It wasn’t until several years later that I realized that none of that actually mattered, and what did matter to me - doing work that lit me up inside, challenged me to continue to grow, and felt like utilizing my full potential - was way more important and unfortunately totally absent from the career I had “chosen”.
If you’re feeling a similar way, I get it. I’ve been right where you are. No matter where you are in your life or career, it’s never too late. Yes, that’s a cliche, but it’s also a truth. It’s never too late. And conversely, if you’re feeling the pressure that you needed to have it all figured out yesterday, also know that you don’t have to rush. Career changes take time, and that doesn’t have to be a disheartening fact. When I was in the midst of changing careers, I always felt fulfilled just by the act of pursuing what I wanted. I knew that if something happened to me tomorrow, that at least I would have been trying to live the life I wanted, rather than still being stuck in a life that didn’t feel like mine. No matter where you are in your career change (or even if you haven’t started yet), I want you to know that you deserve that too. You deserve to live a life that lights you up inside - and not in a pretend, “just for social media” kind of way, but in a way that’s real.
You also deserve to spend the time on yourself, reflecting on how you got to where you are now and where you want to go - so seriously, if you didn’t grab your notebook and pencil before reading this, go get it now! And if you think you could benefit from having a licensed therapist helping you through your career change process, click here to learn more and see if we could be the right fit to work together.